The Sharpshooter Memoirs
by Omega Devin
Summary: The world before, during, and after Final Fantasy VIII through the eyes of a certain cowboy (Discontinued)
1. Prologue: Fate

**Author's Note:** I own nothing in this fic.  Not even the concepts; I'm only writing it for fun.

                The main point of this fic is to focus on the most underrated character of all Final Fantasy history (well, in the last 4 games or so): Irvine Kinneas.  There seems to be a lot of misunderstanding of his character (on the whole), so this is basically my interpretation of the life, personality and mind-set of the cowboy.  It also focuses a lot on his relationship with Selphie, so consider this to be one long Selvine fic (yeay!).  it's also told from Irvine's POV, so I hope I get it alright; it's incredibly difficult to get inside of his mind and figure out what's going on in there.  But, anywho, enjoy, and let me know what you think.

**Currently Untitled**

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**_~Prologue~_**

Have you ever, like, really stopped and just thought about life?

I really didn't; not until recently, anyway.  And let me tell you, it's a real trip, thinking back on all the "old times", all the past experiences that really seem no more real than faded dreams.  But everyone likes to remember things.  The good stuff, anyway, and it's never very pleasant when we can't remember something, no matter how clear it may have once been.  I hate to brag, but I have to say, that out of anyone I know, I don't think anyone fully appreciates the precious value of a memory more than myself.  They were, after all, what changed my life and brought me to where I am today.  And for that I am forever grateful.

And I stop and wonder if there is such a thing as fate, of some unseen divine force that apparently guides us through life on some magical road that was planned out years before our times.  There are some times when I think yeah, sure, maybe we were all put on this earth to do something specific one time or another.  But I guess that's the frame of mind you take on when out of millions of people in the world, you're one of the chosen few to save it.  Then I think back on all the smaller things that happen; the events that seemed small and insignificant at the time, but then you realize what a huge impact it makes later.  That's when I start thinking no way, nothing, and I mean _nothing_, has the power to make those sorts of predictions in life.  It's one of those issues that gives you a headache if you try to work it out, but still, I can't help but wonder…

Where would I be if things in my life did not happen at the exact moment that it did?

What if everything in life happened for a reason?

Well, if that is the case, then I have two words for whatever force drives it:

_Thank you._


	2. Chapter One: Midnight

**Author's Notes:** Well, I was going to wait until I got a few more reviews before I posted this chapter, but I figured what the hey, I wrote it for a reason, right?  Besides, I figured that if I posted something that pertained more to the storyline, I might be able to squeeze a few more comments out of you guys.  Don't get me wrong, I love the lot of ya  ^_^  I just need to know if this is a yay or a nay so I know whether it's worth my time or not.  I have to be grateful, though; this story was the only thing that kept me from going truly insane this weekend.  Stoopid school… GAH!  

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**_~Chapter One~_**

I couldn't remember much before his first night at the orphanage.  It was as if the story of my life had begun the very moment I arrived at Edea and Cid Kramer's home.

The night I arrived stood out very clearly in my mind, even over the long years.  It was almost midnight when I arrived – well past my bedtime (for some reason that always seemed important) – and thin whispers of clouds crawled their way silently across a half-full moon, its pale light shining weakly down upon Centra's broken landscape.  There was an ocean somewhere around – I could remember hearing the waves – and every few seconds a bright band of light would sweep across the sky from the distant lighthouse.  It was damn bloody cold, too.  I could also remember seeing my breath as silver mist before my eyes as the two big men who had been with me for the last few days gently eased me forward to the big stone house that loomed out of the darkness of the night.  I didn't know where these guys came from, but now that I think back on it, I think I had purposely blocked those memories from my mind… for my own sake.  Like trying to forget a really horrible nightmare, only this time, you knew that it had been for real.

I had been reluctant to go; strange, new places always made me nervous, but even as a child of three, I think I understood that I had no other choice.  So, clutching the worn duffle bag to my chest that contained the last of my worldly possessions, I climbed solemnly up the moon-washed stone staircase, amongst the tall forest of vine-choked pillars, up to where the woman dressed in black stood.

"Mrs. Kramer."  One of the big men said in his deep, husky voice.  "We cannot thank you enough for what you are doing.  I know it is difficult for you and your husband, especially with so many other children…"

The woman raised a pale hand, silencing him gently but effectively.  "How was he found?"  It was the first thing she asked.  

"Esthar soldiers on their way to Deling City took out his family's ranch on their way."  The second man said, his voice hinting at something he had seen far too often.  "He was the only one that survived."   He reached into his jacket and pulled out a yellow envelope, which he handed to the woman.  She took it from him, opening the top flap and withdrawing the few papers that were inside.  Printed on the sheets was only the basic of information about me, who was now her responsibility.

The woman in black nodded, then slowly sat down on her heels so her eyes were level with mine.  "What's your name, honey?"  I think it was her voice that stood out the most that night; so kind, so welcoming.  Well, it had been, for that moment.

But even as comforting as her voice was, I still moved to hide behind the legs of the big man who had brought me to this place, holding my duffle bag up closer to my face, but I couldn't make myself feel afraid.  The woman who was kneeling before me was very pretty (it was probably the first time I ever thought about a girl that way); the moonlight shone off her silky black hair and her dark eyes were gentle and warm.  I suddenly felt whatever fear I might have had melt away and I lowered my bag and said, really quietly, "Irvine."

"Irvine."  She repeated, a kind smile on her face.  "My name's Edea, but you can call me Matron.  I'm going to take care of you, now."  A pale hand was extended to me, and I emerged from my hiding spot to take it.  I could remember how warm her fingers were… nurturing… The woman… Matron, I reminded myself… smiled and stood, never releasing her gentle grasp.  "Did he see any of it?"  Her voice was firmer and formal as she spoke to the men once again.

The second man shook his head.  "Thank Hyne, no.  His mother hid him in the closest, but the rest of the family was not so lucky.  His parents, the two older sons…"  His voice trailed off, the trademark sign of a man who had seen it happen too often before.  "He was lucky."

"What a horrible time for a child to grow up in."  Matron's voice was bitter.

"We greatly appreciate you doing this, Mrs. Kramer."  The first man said with a bow.  "You are doing wonderful things for these children.  No living kinship whatsoever, and during a time of war… not many people would take in so many children out of the goodness of their hearts.  How many does he make?"

"Seven."  Matron responded.  "But please, don't hesitate to being any more.  If I don't take care of them, who will?  Now, if you excuse me, gentlemen, I have to put Irvine to bed.  It's been a long couple of days for him."

"Of course."  The two men bowed again.  "Goodnight then, Mrs. Kramer.  Irvine, be a good boy for Matron."  I did not respond, I couldn't respond, even if I wanted to; I was too bust yawning.  Bowing for a last time, they turned and were immediately swallowed by the darkness.

"Irvine, how about we go inside?  I'll show you where you'll sleep.  That's a lot better than being out in the cold, huh?"  I nodded sleepily, only half-hearing what Matron was saying, and allowed her to lead me inside the stone house.

Despite its hard and rather cold exterior, the inside was unlike I had even seen before.  Well, keep in mind, I was also only three years old, but it was certainly something else.  Maybe it was the glow of the embers in the fireplace that made it seem so… unearthly.  Magical.  I remember very clearly how warm that front room was; the large fireplace contained the glowing remains of what had probably been an impressive fire, bathing the room in a warm orange light.  Everything else that the light did not touch was enveloped in black shadows, but I could dimly make out the shapes of soft, cushion-lined furniture, low tables, and dozens of toys littered about the rug-covered floors.  Did this mean that there were other children here as well?

But I think what stood out most about that room, about the whole house, was the feeling in its walls, as if the structure had been built out of more than stone and mortar.  It felt as if there was something else infused with it, something that made it feel like home almost immediately.

We went through another wooden door, into an adjacent room.  This one was also heated by a smaller, dying fire, and through its light and the illumination of the moon spilling through the single large window, I could see about ten small beds lining the walls.  Most of them seemed to be occupied, signified by small, shapeless mounds under the thick quilts that would occasionally sign or move in the smallest fashions.

"Here's where you'll sleep, Irvine."  Matron whispered, leading me to the bed closest to the window.  "Now, get some rest.  You can meet the other children in the morning.  They'll all be so happy that you're here."  Matron helped me find a nightshirt that I could sleep in, and drew back the quilts and fluffing the pillows as I struggled to put it on.  It was really hard to be well coordinated when you were falling asleep where you stood.  But Matron was patient, and helped me into the bed, which was almost too big for me.  The mattress was so soft that I could feel myself sinking into it for what seemed like forever.  I wondered if I would ever be able to climb back out, but my own weariness washed over me as Matron tucked the quilt under my chin in a very motherly fashion.  But before I let myself slip into the world of slumber, there was one question I wanted to ask.

"Matron…why am I here?"

Even in the darkness of the room, I could see a look of something flash across Matron's dark eyes… something a cross between anxiousness and intense sorrow, as if she wanted to cry without tears.  A sort of sad smile appeared on her lips as she reached out to soothe my hair.  "I know you want to know, honey, but not now.  Not yet.  You're too young to know.  Someday you'll be old enough to understand.  But for now… you'll like it here.  I promise."  With that, Matron leaned over to place a tender kiss on my forehead before rising and leaving the bedroom, leaving the door open a mere crack behind her.

I rolled over in that incredibly comfortable bed, exhausted out of my mind, but for some reason, I did not fall asleep right away.  I only started out the window; even the light of the quarter moon did not do much to illuminate the world just beyond the glass, the land cloaked in darkness.  The question of why I was here was turning over in my mind, repeating itself with an answer, or even a reason.  True, I did not feel afraid, and I obviously didn't have any objections to being here.  I was probably just confused, above everything else.  But, still…

Like every child, at one time or another, I did what was expected for a kid who was alone in an uncaring world without an answer or excuse, who was totally without a clue…

I cried.

Bitter tears overflowed in my eyes, rolling down my face and soaking into the pillow under my head.  Small sobs shook my body as I trembled under the warm quilt, not caring if anyone heard or even cared.  It's usually difficult for a child of only three to understand what the world "alone" meant and that it applied to them, but somehow, I knew that I did not have anyone left.  And, regardless of what it really meant, I still cried.  Because that was the only thing that a child could really do.

But before I could let myself cry myself into the sleep that I needed, I felt something on my shoulder, shaking me gently, urging me to roll over.  

"Hey…"  A small voice called to me over my sobs.  "Are yoo okay?"

Curious to see who it was who seemed concerned about me, I rolled over… and gasped at the sight of two huge green orbs staring down at me.

Okay, don't get me wrong, I've seen green before, even if I was born in the planes of Galbadia.  I dimly recall that we had green in the house I lived in… But never before had I seen green like this before.  They were the color of the new leaves of spring; bright, lush full of life that stopped my tears almost immediately.  I didn't even notice the girl who they belonged too.  It was also too dark to really see anything, keep in mind.  "Are yoo okay?"  She repeated.

"I…" Unknowingly, I felt my cheeks warm and I looked away, unable to hold contact with them for very much longer.  "I'm a'wight."

"Yoo don' sound a'wight."  She pressed on.  "If yoo're cwying, then you can't be a'wight."

Tired and cranky from the last few days, I rolled over, pulling the quilt tightly around myself.  "I said I was fine.  Go 'way."

Even now, I still wonder why she didn't leave.  Hyne knows how delicate children are to harsh words, but there was something about her that would not let my rejection of her concern dissuade her.  Instead, she did something I would have never excepted.  I felt the covers move around me, be pulled off the bed for a moment…

And a second later, I felt the warm presence of a little warm body curl up to my own, small arms wrapping around my shoulder and holding me close.  "Don' be sad."  The little girl said.  "Please?"

                It seemed as if my body acted on its own as I rolled over and accepted her warm embrace, all the sadness for that night disappearing in that one simple, innocent action.

And that was the first memory I ever had of Selphie Tilmitt.

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**To Be Continued…**

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	3. Chapter Two: Breakfast

**Author's Note:** Sorry that took so long guys, but I've been busy; besides, A Darker Shade of Night has more priority than this.  Also, please excuse the really corny dialogue in this one; it was incredibly hard to write, but I guess this is how all adults sound when talking to children.  Also, I'm not too incredibly happy with how this chapter turned out; it sounds really…bland.  But I guess one reason is because I myself am not around little children that much…but oh well.

**_~Chapter Two~_**

When I awoke the next morning, the girl who had accompanied me last night was gone.  It was actually the first thing that I noticed, regardless of the fact that I was in a strange bed in a strange place; essentially, I was anywhere other than what I had been used to.  But for some reason, the idea did not bother me too terribly much.  The sunlight was pouring through the window, giving the room a very warm, cheery look, promising the sort of day that most children loved as it promised a glorious opportunity was countless games and adventures.  When I sat up to look around, all the other children were out of their beds as well.  However, I was not quite in that mood, so instead I only lied back down and fringed sleep until Matron came to get me.  

"Irvine."  Matron soothingly laid a hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently as if to rouse me.  I think she knew that I really wasn't asleep, but children are masters of pretending… or at least they thought they were.  I only rolled over, burying my head deeper into the pillow.  Matron chuckled lightly.  "Come on, honey, its time to wake up."

A child can also forget what they are pretending as soon as they begin.  "Sleepy…"

The Matron smiled at this, leaning over so her face was closer to my own.  And, despite my futile attempt to fake sleeping, I couldn't help but giggle and try to hide myself under my quilt.  "Come on, silly, it's time to get up.  Breakfast is all ready, and its best to get some before Zell eats it all."

"Who's Zell?"  I asked, poking my head out from under the heavy covers.

Matron smiled, pleased that she had finally said something to get my attention.  She obviously had been dealing with children long enough to know all the tricks of the trade.  "He's one of the other little boys here, Irvine.  There will be lots of children here for you to play with, so you don't have to feel lonely.  Now, why don't you get up so you can meet them?  Don't you want to make friends?"  The idea of not being alone sounded very appeasing to me, so I nodded and complied, sitting up in bed and allowing Matron to help me off jump down – it was quite a jump for a little kid, I remember that in detail – let her help me get dressed, and I held tightly onto her hand as she lead me out of the bedroom and into the main room of her home.

If the house had its own magical, alive feeling to it the night before, it was nothing compared to what I experienced the moment I set foot outside of the bedroom.  For some reason, the combination of sunlight and the laughter of children seemed to not only bring more life to the stone building, but it made it sing and dance in its own mystical manner.  I remember clearly that it seemed as if everything was dancing all around me, feeling the very pulse of life under me feet and coursing through my body although nothing was really moving at all.

Then there were the children; six squirming little bundles of energy, all of them about my age (except for one girl who was much older), of all shapes and sizes crowded around a large circular kitchen table.  And sitting on the opposite side of the hustle and bustle was a man, calmly reading a newspaper despite the noise.  For a moment I wondered what the huge fuss was about until the wonderful smells of a home-cooked breakfast wafted over me, making my mouth water about a broken dam.  There were many things that Edea Kramer was applauded for, but her cooking stood out above all of them.  My legs twitched in an attempt to move on their own, but Matron's gentle hand on my shoulder prevented me from going anywhere.  "Children."  Her voice was just barely above its normal volume, but the influence it had over the rambunctious children was more than obvious, as they were silent in seconds, all eyes on her, including those of the older man.  It was then that I saw them again; the same beautiful and vibrant green eyes that sparkled like gems in the morning sun, but this time I was able to get a good look at the girl whom they belonged to.

Normally, children who were only three years old did could not fully grasp the concept of the ideals of beauty and love, but even back then I knew that Selphie was beautiful.  I remember all the details as clearly as if in a photograph.  Those exquisite eyes were set in a small, round face with adorable features, including a button-like nose and tiny, lush-pink lips.  Her skin was smooth and creamy, and her face was framed by soft brown hair that turned up at the ends.  She looked like a porcelain child-doll brought to life.  When her eyes met mine, she smiled brightly and waved a small arm in my direction.

I can confidently say that that was the very instant that I fell in love with Selphie, even if it took me years afterwards to realize it.

"Children, I want you all to meet Irvine.  He's going to be staying with us now, so I want you all to make him feel at home."  I really wasn't surprised when none of the other children said anything, but only continued to stare, but I can't say that I was jumping in an attempt to make friends with any of them right away, either.  The only one out of them that moved was the man who had been sitting at the table.  He was not very big; at least, not like the men who had brought me here the night before, nor was he as scary because he wasn't dressed in all black like the others were.  He was dressed in some sort of suit, the type that important grown-ups wore, and he had ruffled brown hair and glasses.  "Irvine," Matron spoke as he approached.  "This is my husband, Mr. Kramer.  He's going to take care of you too."

"Hello Irvine."  The man said, kneeling down before me.  When he had left the table, the children sitting around it returned to their breakfast as if nothing had happened.  "We're both very happy that you're here to stay with us.  Would you like some breakfast?"  Still too shy to speak, I nodded.  The notion of breakfast was making it hard to concentrate on anything else.  Smiling, Mr. Kramer reached his hand out and took my own, and led me over to the kitchen table.  Two of the children scooted over on their bench to make room for me; one was a little boy with spiky blonde hair, and the other my green-eyed angel.  While Matron made me a plate of breakfast goods, Mr. Kramer took the time to introduce me to each child sitting at the table.

It's amazing how long first impressions last, for when in the future, when I would meet them all again, I would always think back to that morning.

Out of all of them, Squall hardly spoke; he was small and had a Faye-like face, even as a child, his long brown hair falling over his eyes as he tried to eat his breakfast despite the excitement happening around him.  Even at three, he had a sense of seriousness around him that made a brick look interesting.

I could immediately tell that Seifer was a bully, his hair blonde and his eyes a deep sea-green, placing himself as the Alpha Wolf of the whole pack, domineering, strong, especially since he was older and a bit bigger than the rest of us.

Quistis sat next to Seifer, and was the only one bothering to tell him to knock off his rude behavior.  She had blonde hair too, and the air of the older sister who felt as if she had to be in complete control of the rest of us.

Ellone was the girl who was older than all of us, and although she enjoyed talking to all of us, she always seemed to pay the most attention to Squall.  She was also the only one who could ever make the younger boy smile a real smile.

Zell was the little boy who sat next to me, and I think he spent more time whining than actually talking, especially since Seifer was teasing him non-stop.

And then there was Selphie, the girl with the green eyes.  Out of all the children there, she was the only one who really noticed that I was even there at all.  The first thing that she did was show me all her favorite breakfast foods, prattling on about how Matron was the best cook in the world.  And I have to say, I had a hard time disagreeing with her.  Eggs, sausages, toast with fruit jellies, the absolute works, and each flavor was a tantalizing marvel to my senses.  And except for a few minor details, I am still amazed at the good behaviors and manners being used by almost all the children sitting at the table.  There was the properly used "please" and "thank you", something that was rarely seen in children so young.  It was more than apparent that Matron knew what she was doing when it came to raising children.

But, of course, nothing could be without its flaws, and most of these revolved around Seifer.  Within the small space of time we took to eat our breakfast, he had managed to snatch the majority of the remaining sausages out from under Squall's nose, in which resulted in a brief squabble between the two, which lead up to Zell dumping his full glass of milk right onto his lap.  My first breakfast at the Kramer's ended with Seifer pointing and laughing at a now crying Zell, Quistis scolding Seifer for being mean, and Matron leading Zell back into the bedrooms to get him changed.  

Even after all these years, I still admire the Kramers for the incredible amount of patience both of them had for having to put up with all of us at once for as long as they had.  Not too many people have that sort of gift, mind you.

One thing I learned quickly was to how to help out to make all our lives run smoother.  Some people might say that it was a bit too demanding, to teach three-year-old children proper etiquette, but I guess that when you have like, seven kids in your responsibility, then you really did not have a choice.  But it was nothing too demanding; just simple chores, such as bringing our breakfast plates over to Mr. Kramer, who now stood by the sink as Matron was busy with Zell, or picking up any toys that we left strewn around the house.  Everyone did their part quickly and without complaint, because we all knew that the faster they got done, the sooner they could all go out and play.

The other children, including Ellone, wasted no time in getting started with the full day's worth of playtime that lay promising ahead of them.  As soon as their plates were dumped into the sink, all the children took off running towards the wide-open back door, out into the warm morning that lay beyond.  "Remember, children."  Mr. Kramer called after them.  "No one's allowed to go near the beach until Matron or I are out there!"

"We know!  We'w be good!"  Squall called over his shoulder, and disappeared from sight.  Not more than a few moments later, the bedroom door was opened and Zell came scampering out, acting as if nothing had happened, and the squeals of the happy laughter of children suddenly filled the air, bombarding the stone house from all sides.  Matron smiled softly, kissed her husband on the check (I looked away when they did that – adults were weird), and left the house as well to supervise the children, who were having the time of their lives outside.  Mr. Kramer finished washing the dishes and returned them to their proper places, and was just about to head outdoors himself when he noticed me, sitting alone on one of the large couches, my feet dangling from the floor.

As much fun as it sounded like they were having outside, I had no desire to join the others.  There was still something about this place, no matter how comfortable I felt in it, that made me feel sad.  Maybe it was because it was a new place, although I could not remember where I was before, and it was the unfamiliarity that brought me down.  Or maybe it was because that I merely felt…left behind.

"Irvine?"  I looked up to meet Mr. Kramer's kind yet concerned gaze.  "Are you all right?"

I nodded; I didn't feel too much like talking.

"Don't you want to come outside and play with the other children?"

I shook my head, my hair falling over my eyes.

Mr. Kramer remained silent for a moment, but obviously knew batter than to push me.  "All right.  I promise you that you'll have fun with the other kids, but…if you want to stay here…  Either me or Matron will be back in later to check on you, okay?"

I nod again, and he leaves the house, and for a long time – or so it felt – I remained as abnormally still for a three-year-old could ever sit.  I don't know what was up with the sudden bout of depression.  I didn't dislike it here, and I certainly liked Selphie, but I guess it was a common thing that most kids feel when left behind.  They like, all knew what was going on here, as smoothly as clockwork, and I guess I was just feeling a little left in the dust.

After a few moments I hoped off the couch and crossed the room, standing on my toes so I could look outside the window.  The world outside is not really a suitable one that you would see children playing in with no care in the world.  Instead of lush, green fields there is nothing but a gray, cracked rock landscape, and beyond the swell of a low-rising hill, the glistening blue ocean.  It was amazing how anyone could live out here at all…

There was a sudden _bang on the opposite side of the house as a door was thrown forcefully open, followed closely by the sounds of children laughing and feet padding along the stone floors.  A second later, Squall, Zell and Selphie came shooting by, completely caught up in the excitement of their game.  They ran by me without a second thought, as if they had forgotten I was here… Until Selphie came to a screeching halt and turned to look at me, a huge sunny smile lighting her face.  "Irvy, wanna play?"_

My heart gave a huge leap; I was thrilled that she had ask me.  "Sefie, wha'cha playing?"

Sefie?  Where did that come from?  Sefie wasn't her name, it was Selphie… But for some reason, it didn't come out like that.  And little did I know, it stuck, something that would just be between the two of us for years to come.

However, the little girl didn't seem to mind.  Instead she only giggled and jumped up and down excitedly.  "_War!"  I didn't know what the game was, but I was so excited that they didn't forget I was here that I followed her outside, into the morning.  _

It was then that I learned the true meaning and importance of being accepted, and it was a lesson that would follow with me the rest of life, in which it would play a much, much important role in the future.  But I really wasn't thinking of this that way.  Back when we were kids, all that mattered was that we were all friends, a family, but even through all the love and support, it would be Selphie that stuck closest to me of them all.

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**To Be Continued….**

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